[This is. The part where she should figure out something clever to say, to change her mind. But there's just that scared little girl voice echoing in her head again, that just wants to beg. Not Vira. Not Molly. Not Takeru. Not Sheila. Not Gu Yun. Not -
There are too many. There are too many, and some of them are going to die no matter what she does, and it all feels so hopeless.
But she has a lot of experience forcing these fears back down where they belong.]
If you're expecting discretion, I'll need more than that.
How so? Isn't it enough that you know I'm planning on doing it at all? If I tell you who I'm planning on killing, then you'll definitely vote for me if they end up dead.
[Okay, first of all, what does 'free of evil' mean to Light. But second of all, more importantly.]
I don't really know anything about Light, or why earning his love is so important to you, but. . . a person who loves you would never want you to throw your own life away. A person who loves you would do anything to keep you safe.
[Why is she talking about love like she has any experience in it? The only love she has ever had was the Tomb.]
If he is worth this, then he wouldn't want you to suffer.
You don't know him, Hachi... you don't get it. He delivered justice for me. He gave me a reason to live after I thought I was better off dead. I've devoted myself to him, every single part of me.
He's everything to me, and this might be my only shot to get him to love me. I have to try.
[Laughs the way I handled this might have changed if she knew what Misa's wish would actually do so better not to.
This actually does get to her. She remembers all too well, being ten years old and resolved to die until some absurd, irrational love saved her. And she will never be loved in return by the Tomb, no matter what hallucinations she may see in her darkest hours. So in a sense, she understands the Despair.
She'll just. Squeeze Misa's hands again.]
Misa. . .
[She wants so much to know the right thing to say, to make her realize she deserves better than this. But she's never known anything else herself, and she has no idea what those words might be.]
I do know what that feels like. But I also feel that. . . you wouldn't have told me any of this if you felt certain this was the right thing to do.
That's not– I only told you because I didn't want to see what the consequence was for not sharing. [ ... at least she's upfront about it? but, with that out of the way, she turns her gaze down to their hands. she's shaking a little now, as her eyes start to well up with tears. ] Hachi—Harrow—if you get it... then why can't you see why I can't turn back now?
[Misa. Girl. You could have just told someone you think they're hot. I.
Anyway. She feels bad about this, but she can't?]
It isn't such an easy thing, to live carrying the weight of the cost of other people's lives. I suppose you must decide what you can live with for yourself, just as I must.
[She'll let go of her hands.]
I can't carry any more ghosts with me. I'm sorry. I can only hope you don't come to feel the same way.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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There are too many. There are too many, and some of them are going to die no matter what she does, and it all feels so hopeless.
But she has a lot of experience forcing these fears back down where they belong.]
If you're expecting discretion, I'll need more than that.
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[That probably isn't even a lie. She didn't vote for fucking Law.]
But if you don't want me to try to interfere, then I need more.
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More what? I can't tell you the whole thing, Hachi. Because then you might be considered an accomplice, too. Or...
[ "or i might have to kill you as well" goes unsaid. ]
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. . . Will you tell me what your wish is?
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My wish... is for Light's wish to come true. For the world to be free of evil.
Because if that happens, and he knows I made it happen for him... then he'll love me for sure.
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I don't really know anything about Light, or why earning his love is so important to you, but. . . a person who loves you would never want you to throw your own life away. A person who loves you would do anything to keep you safe.
[Why is she talking about love like she has any experience in it? The only love she has ever had was the Tomb.]
If he is worth this, then he wouldn't want you to suffer.
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You don't know him, Hachi... you don't get it. He delivered justice for me. He gave me a reason to live after I thought I was better off dead. I've devoted myself to him, every single part of me.
He's everything to me, and this might be my only shot to get him to love me. I have to try.
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This actually does get to her. She remembers all too well, being ten years old and resolved to die until some absurd, irrational love saved her. And she will never be loved in return by the Tomb, no matter what hallucinations she may see in her darkest hours. So in a sense, she understands the Despair.
She'll just. Squeeze Misa's hands again.]
Misa. . .
[She wants so much to know the right thing to say, to make her realize she deserves better than this. But she's never known anything else herself, and she has no idea what those words might be.]
I do know what that feels like. But I also feel that. . . you wouldn't have told me any of this if you felt certain this was the right thing to do.
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That's not– I only told you because I didn't want to see what the consequence was for not sharing. [ ... at least she's upfront about it? but, with that out of the way, she turns her gaze down to their hands. she's shaking a little now, as her eyes start to well up with tears. ] Hachi—Harrow—if you get it... then why can't you see why I can't turn back now?
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Anyway. She feels bad about this, but she can't?]
It isn't such an easy thing, to live carrying the weight of the cost of other people's lives. I suppose you must decide what you can live with for yourself, just as I must.
[She'll let go of her hands.]
I can't carry any more ghosts with me. I'm sorry. I can only hope you don't come to feel the same way.